My heart is wants to be at home while my mind is still here.
Still missing it. When will I not?Today, September 11th, was a day. Has a lot of meaning to some, less to others. We won't get into what it means to me yet..
I'd much rather talk about a conversation I had with my old world history teacher, Ms. Cutler, a fantastic Jewish young woman with bright red curly hair and a great fashion sense. A teacher I hold near and dear to my heart. She understands how much I love NFTY. She's loud, and Jappy, but thats why I love her. She even dated an old religous school teacher of mine.
It's the conversation we had today. I was talking about my tzit tzit. I told her about my life changing experince at Kutz. She's oh so happy for me, but also agrees with my parents that I should keep it tucked in. I mean, its not like any of the Palestinian or Lebonese kids are going to be like that girl is wearing tzit tzit so that means shes jewish lets beat her up. See, 1. They probably already know I'm a Jew. 2. They have no idea what the heck tzit tzit is, and if they do know they don't think of it like that because you see Hasidic men traiditionaly wear it. Even though that doesn't bother me. Ms. Cutler makes me feel like I make her seem like a bad Jew because I love to go to shul on Friday nights as much as I can. She said her mother would have a ball with me. But really, that's alright. I always try to explain to her how there is no such thing as a good or bad Jew. But she just says Rachel go to class or something like that.
Even though Ms. Cutler has different views on being Jewish than me, I love talking to her. She just makes me smile and always has something funny to say. She's also conservative, but that doesn't make things too different...right?
I need a good service. Really badly.
So I'm into this whole blogging bussiness. But its crazy to read other people's blogs. Through struggles of everyday life, to relizations that will last a life time.
Crazy.
My thoughts on 9/11.
I still remember that day, crystal clear. I was in 6th grade in Mr. Chase's long world history lectures. He was talking about the silk road in China when the planes hit. 20 mins later you hear, "Jody Davis please come to the office" People looked around confused, but accepted it. Soon I saw more and more parents coming to school. I though, oh maybe its a visiting day or something. Then the rumors spread all throughout the 6th grade. A bomb hit the washington mounment! Bush is going to blow up everyone! A bunch of crazyness like that. Then my teacher Mr. Tritle told us the real story. I didn't think much of it. It scared me a little bit, but not that much. It wasn't till that night I was home and watching the news with my parents. Thats when it all started. I saw the plane hit the towers. I was scared. I was scared every single night that a plane was going to hit my room. Thats when everything started happening. I started to become scared of everything around me. I thought my parents were going to die. In June, thats when Gramea died, my best friend's little seven year old sister. Death started to haunt me and scare me. Every night before going to sleep I would always imagine my parents dying in different weird ways. I would always imagine someone trying to come in my house and kill me. I lived every single night scared. The only time at night I didn't think bad things, was when I was away at Camp Louise, my home away from home. But that didn't stop until the end of sophomore year, after I came home from Kutz. Kutz made me relize thats so stupid. For five years, I've had nightmares, night terrors, and everything under the sun. I'm not sure if 9/11 triggered it, but something did, but its stopped. And its so much easier to live life. I pray for the victims today, and for everyone to rest in peace. But its defintly a day I won't forget.
Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours.
posted by Rachel @ 2:19 PM
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